I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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