They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
