so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
