booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
