it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
