If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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