Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
