At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
