he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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