am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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