i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
