Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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