My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
