[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
