the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
