I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
