The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
