i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
