No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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