9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
