I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
