Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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