found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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