i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
