In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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