Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
