this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
