can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
