Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
