Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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