I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
