my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She's JV to your varsity
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
