Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
