im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
