Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
