JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
