remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
