We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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