you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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