i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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