ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
