distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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