Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
