I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
