Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
