i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im part way to drunk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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