We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
