question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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