we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
