Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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