I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
