Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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